Lou Ludwig Success Tips: Defusing Hostile Negotiations

Defusing Hostile Negotiations


Motivational Power Quote

Defusing Hostile Negotiations

"Am I not destroying my enemies

when I make friends of them."

Abraham Lincoln, 16th U. S. President  


As I see it. . . . . . . .

Defusing hostile negotiations 

We negotiate everyday of our lives in our personal relationships, in business and in almost every aspect of our life.  

Hostile or intimidating negotiating is a strategy. It can be called negotiating by bullying.   

The person that's doing the bullying is aggressive in the relationship and is trying to intimidate the other person into becoming submissive. If they can achieve that position in the negotiations they will control the other person and the negotiating process and the likely outcome.  

You see that type of behavior in negotiations all the time. You also see that strategies being used by attorneys in questioning witnesses and in attempting to intimidate the witnesses.  

The hostile negotiator relays on aggressiveness and intimidation to control the negotiations.   

They attack the person and not address the issues.  

You defuse the hostile negotiator by remaining calm and not falling into their traps and not being baited into confrontation. Don't allow the hostile negotiator to intimidate or pressure you.  

When the hostile negotiator is making statements and asking question or asking you for an answer, ask them to restate or repeat the question. Ask them for additional information or ask them explain what they asking you. Tell them that you don't understanding what they are asking you. 

They will also make statements or ask question with mixed messages and by doing this they are trying to compromise you or you answer. Be very careful in responding to this type of statement or questions as asked. Simple state that what you're being asked are several questions that are unrelated with several answers. Ask them to restate or ask the question one at a time so you can answer or to respond to them one at a time to give them the information that they are requesting.         

A hostile negotiator in normally a type A personally type and will push for fast answers to remain in control or to have you error in your response.  By asking questions you throw off the type A personally game plan of intimidation.    

Before you answer the question of a hostile negotiator pulse and silently look the person in the eye and count to 5 slowly.  By pulsing you will throw a hostile negotiator off their game plan and they will become frustrated and lose their composure.   

You will witness the following; they will start to answer their questions. You will see them to start to speak faster without thinking; they will just be reacting to their frustration. They will increase their aggressiveness and as a result lose complete control of the negotiating process.  

They will become confused in their strategies and some will just blow up and look really bad. 

Defusing hostile negotiations is remaining calm and in control of your emotions. It's remaining focused on achieving a satisfactory conclusion to the negotiations and not taking things personally. Keep your composure and don't allow the negotiations to become personal. Keep the negotiations focused on the issues and work towards a successful win - win agreement.  

©2010 Lou Ludwig, Sales and Management Consultant Success Coach, Speaker, Trainer and Author


Comment balloon 3 commentsLou Ludwig • October 30 2010 05:04PM


Thank you - I'm dealing with a type A personality right now.  He's not so hostile as pushy, but your information has helped.



Posted by Margaret Goss, Chicago's North Shore & Winnetka Real Estate (Baird & Warner Real Estate) about 9 years ago

It is hard not to take this kind of negotiator personal ..good tips here ..Lou


Posted by Hannah Williams, Expertise NE Philadelphia & Bucks 215-953-8818 (Re/Max Eastern inc.) about 9 years ago

Lou- this is very helpful information for all of us. Remaining calm and focusing on your goal will give you the upper hand. 

Posted by Kathy Streib, Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224 (Room Service Home Staging) about 9 years ago